1) Upon the first meeting, (Bar, Club, Facebook, Supermarket…doesn’t matter) always keep in mind that first impressions mean everything and you DON’T get a chance to make a second impression. This means that you had better learn to be quick on your feet and make sure that your foot doesn’t end up in your mouth, or a foot may just end up kicking your ass.
2) Have something intelligent to say. I’ll give you 2 examples. First, let’s say that you’re at a bar. Whatever you do, don’t gawk at a girl you like from afar with your buddies.A simple smile will do and if she returns the smile or makes an inviting gesture, then is the time to walk over to her…I repeat, WALK OVER TO HER, and introduce yourself. Leave your friends back at your own table. Tell her your name, say that she looks really beautiful (compliment her friend/friends as well, but give your attention to the girl you like) and offer to buy her a drink. If she accepts, you’re in. If she declines, then it’s back to your table. DO NOT try to force yourself on her. Remember also, that it’s not a good idea to pick up on every woman you see in the same establishment. Word travels fast and you will just end up looking very creepy. If that happens, then the following steps will not help you.
2b) Let’s say you meet a girl online. Again, properly introduce yourself. Compliment her photo (if available) and ask her a few (don’t get crazy) questions about her and offer a bit about yourself. Be truthful in your description. You will get caught in a lie eventually. So if you are 250lbs, 5′ 6” bald and have 3 arms, don’t say that you look like Brad Pitt. Have a few RECENT photo’s of you available for her viewing.
DO NOT, and I cannot, cannot, cannot stress this enough; DO NOT ask for a phone number, Instant message, sexy pictures or address upon first online conversation. This freaks us out when you do this. Online dating is not fishing…where the first bite you get has to get reeled in. I can’t tell you how many men have approached me online, only to scare the life out of me by demanding I give them my number after chatting for 3 minutes. Don’t offer gifts either. This only makes you look twice as creepy.
Upon first email, don’t just write stuff like “Hey Ma, lookin good” or “u lookin hottt” or “so whatchu lookin 4 out here anyways”.
The more intelligent you sound, the more a woman will take you seriously.
3) So now that the lady has decided that you are who you say you are, or has really taken a liking to your introduction in a public place, she will most likely ask for YOUR number, or email, or maybe a business card, whatever. Now, she may offer her information as well, but if she doesn’t, don’t take offense. Just put a little faith in your first performance, and hope that she gives you a call. (If it’s on a friday or Saturday night, expect a call on Tuesday. If it’s a Thursday night, she may call possibly on a Sunday evening)
4) SOOOOO! The time has come. The phone rings and it’s her. You’re still in the game and you don’t have to go back to step one. Again, be prepared to talk and have something impressive to talk about. Noone likes hearing dead air on the phone, especially if they have worked up the courage to call you. Start off by telling her that you’re really happy to hear from her. Ask her about the rest of her evening on the night you met, and then proceed to ask her questions about her. We love when men show interest in us. If I’m talking for the first time to a new guy and all I know about him is that he loves his car, football, his job, his ex girlfriend, his mother, his fantacy football team, then I am out of there. Offer a reciprical conversation. Trust me, the girl will ask you everything there is to know about you once she’s interested in you. NONSTOP! Hehee.
At this point, you are going to have to do some freestyling here. Use your best judgement by the end of the conversation as to wether or not she may want to go out on a date. You should be able to tell on your own…I can’t hold your hand on this one. Now, she may say yes, and if so, great! She may on the other hand tell you that she’ll have to see when she has some free time. Don’t get discouraged. Sometimes, we want a chance to think about it, without the pressure of an answer right away. If she says she will call you and let you know and doesn’t within 3 days…..It’s back to step one my friend. Sorry.
5) But not you!! No, she said yes, and you are going out on a date!!
Now what? Well, first and most importantly, find out what she likes. You were supposed to be paying attention to her and asking questions on our step 4 conversation. So, by now you should know her favorite restaurant. NO MOVIES, NO CLUBS, NO BARS and NO FAMILY EVENTS! These things are loud, uncomfortable and you won’t have a quiet place to talk more and get to interact properly. They make terribly first dates. Think of her favorite cuisine and make a reservation for a nice restaurant. Friday’s and Applebee’s are not nice restaurants. Nothing with a drive through either.
Bring your wallet. Be prepared to pay for drinks, apps, dinner, dessert, gratuties, coat check, vallet, etc.. Don’t appear to be cheap. If she offers to pay half, politely decline and tell her that she can pay half next time. See where this is going? You look classy and you’re setting the tone for a second date.
Now, you had a great phone conversation, but that was just a warm up. Now, this is where we study everything in person. We are paying attention to body language, gestures, attentiveness, nose hairs, boogers, unibrows, RHL, etc..
Make eye contact at all times.
Don’t try to be someone you’re not. If you know nothing about wine, don’t pretend that you do by sniffing the cork, mispronouncing the brand, etc… We think it’s cute when you open up and just be yourselves. Remember, you’re not preparing for a marriage proposal. You are simply looking to enjoy each others company.
Things to remember: She may want to meet you at the restaurant. Women don’t want to give up their address on the first date, especially if they live alone like I do. The days of showing up at the front door with flowers on a first date are pretty much long gone in this day and age. But do remember to bring the flowers with you to wherever you meet her.
Topics to avoid: Politics, religion and war. Wrestling and Nascar* (*this applies to those of us who live in the northeast region)
Don’t show up in wrinkled clothes. Don’t wear an abundance of cologne. Wear socks…not white ones.
6) So now, you’ve made it through dessert without embarrasment, and it’s clear as day that she finds you attractive. So now what? It’s almost a sure bet that you will be walking her to her vehicle and saying goodnight to her. (She may suggest going somewhere else for a while to keep talking, she may not) We will pretend that the date is now over for the evening.
Tell her that you had the most amazing evening. You learned a lot about her. You would really like to see her again and ask…I said ASK her to give you a quick call when she gets home to be sure that she arrived home safely. When she calls, keep it brief. Don’t start up a new conversation unless she does.
By now, you should have each others phone numbers. You should know what she likes to do for enjoyment, and what her work schedule is like as opposed to her free time. Start thinking ahead to the next date and what she would like to do. A movie is now appropriate….especially since you already talked about entertainment preferences during dinner. If it a warm climate or season, offer to take a nice walk on the beach or park, or whatever. The more interaction the better.
Things not to say on the first few dates:
I love you
I can see myself marrying you
You remind me of my mother
Let’s go on vacation
I need a place to crash
I need a place to stash my weed
So when do you usually sleep with a guy?
7)As far as sex is concerned, it could happen at any given point now. But be careful, it’s still her call. One false move and BOOM, it’s back to step one. And we’ve come all this way, we don’t want to go back now, do we?
You have had the first kiss, you have done the hand holding thing, you sit close together….trust me, it will happen.
8) It’s bound to happen sooner or later, but she is going to want her parents or some form of close relative to check you out and give you the once over. She may live with her family, but since I live alone, I guess I’m assuming that she will too.
In other words, go with her to her parents house, like it, and make a good impression. Re-read step 4 and follow through it again.
9) Don’t get comfortable now. Don’t think that you can replace your Perry Ellis shirts with your favorite Metallica T-Shirt. It’s not time yet to start dressing down. You have to put in at least 4 months before you can do that.
10) I can’t believe you made it here. After all this time together, and now I have to say goodbye. Your last step is to take note of everything we’ve learned here, and live by it. Don’t get lazy in the relationship. Always take your lady out as if it’s a first date. Keep the compliments coming. Be creative and see new places. Hold hands, buy her flowers, rent her favorite movie.
You may be put off by my rantings on this page, but think of it this way……..do you really want to be back in that bar room with your single friends wishing that a girl you think is pretty would look your way? Hell no! You have the girl of your dreams already……it’s your buddies that are shit out of luck! Suckers! (Tabitha Swan-Contributor)